A buzz. A bright light. A bright smile on my face. For some reason, whenever I receive a text, or get a phone call, I feel this sense of validation. Acceptance. Someone thinks that I am good enough to talk to, or at least worthy of receiving someone’s thought. And I cannot figure out why. Why am I bummed out after an entire day, and the only people to talk to me through my phone were my parents? Are they not enough? They’ve done so much for me. The least I can do is cherish their words. But no. I need to talk to other people, and to listen to them as well. Apparently being with them doesn’t quench my thirst for human connection. Or maybe it’s because being around so many people just wears me down. And when I’m able to completely comprehend what someone says before molding my own though, I can relax more, and rejuvenate.
What I don’t understand is the fact that this problem, this sense of self-worth being dependable on how many texts or snaps I get, has gotten worse. When I first got a phone in 8th grade, or 7th, I can’t quite remember, this wasn’t even an issue. Hardly any of my friends had phones yet. But it was a simpler time. And to bring up my parents again, there weren’t even cellphones around when they were my age. My parents turned out fine. In fact, an argument could be made that they’re a bit more emotionally stable than I am.
So there’s this notion, that us millennials, being born in the age of the internet, are a part of this whole community of online users. And we’re in a society that increasingly uses computer-mediated communication. Wait, that’s the beginning of another thought for another night. Originally, when I first started coming up with the idea of this post, it was about that sense of pride in the text, or call…I get so giddy when someone deems my thoughts and ideas worthwhile. But, why does my confidence rely so much upon everyone else’s opinion? Why do I feel the need to be validated by other people? Shouldn’t I already have a sense of pride in myself? Shouldn’t I know and accept the fact that I’m a delight? I have interesting ideas! I have a wonderful sense of humour! I like the English spellings of certain words! You should be excited that I decide to respond to your text, or answer your call!
No longer shall I be a slave to my phone. I shall no longer be overly joyed that somebody wants to talk to me. Whoever talks to me shall feel blessed that I am gracing them with what I have to say. And they should appreciate the fact that I’m also caring enough to just listen.